New readers start here and here.
Two scantily clad WOMEN are standing posing, cupping their boobs and generally being provocative-slash-sexy.
A MALE REPORTER approaches them, notepad/camera in hand.
REPORTER I must say, I think it’s wonderful what you’re doing.
The Women look a little confused, but accept his compliment.
REPORTER I just think it’s really important… Standing up for what you believe in.
WOMAN 1 Er, thanks.
REPORTER I mean: it’s important that you assert yourself as women.
WOMAN 2 Yeah, that’s what we think, too!
REPORTER You should be able to dress however you like!
WOMAN 1 Exactly!
A beat.
REPORTER This ‘Slut March’ was such a great idea, wasn’t it?
The Women look confused.
WOMAN 2 But we’re here for the Playboy launch….
There are five pilots for a new daily topical comedy show – The Leader Of The Opposition – running every day this week on Chortle and YouTube. The show’s been devised and helmed by the marvellous Dave Cohen (writer on Have I Got News For You and Horrible Histories, among other things) and I’m one of the additional writers on it. The Leader Of The Opposition features the ever-excellent Marcus Brigstocke and Ewen MacIntosh (best known as Keith from The Office) and… well, here are episodes 1 and 2 (check out Chortle every day this week for the rest!):
VICTORIA DERBYSHIRE But Mr Clarke, surely resign means resign?
KEN CLARKE With all due respect, no it doesn’t… Some resignations are more serious than others. If I knew you and we’d had dinner together, say, and then you asked me to resign, that obviously wouldn’t be as bad as a total stranger dragging me off the street and telling me to resign.
VICTORIA Mr Clarke, have you ever met anyone who’s resigned?
KEN Yes, there was Geoffrey Howe, Mrs Thatcher…
VICTORIA That was a long time ago…
KEN Well yes, but resigning hasn’t changed all that much over the years.
VICTORIA So you’re not going to resign?
KEN No, I’m not.
VICTORIA You’re definitely not?
KEN No. (beat) Look: no means no, Victoria.