‘Under Pressure (Nice, Nice Baby)’

In case you’ve been living under a rock, or aren’t British (I’m not sure which is worse): a song about the EastEnders‘ plotline that’s caused something of a furore.

(to the tune of ‘Under Pressure’ by Queen & David Bowie)

(Nice – nice – baby)
(Swap – the – baby)

Um a baby
Um wrong baby
Um um um how dare they?

Pressure pushed down on Ronnie
Being down is what her role calls for
Under pressure
That brings an actress down
Splits a nation in two
Puts viewers on seats

Um that baby
Ronnie’s baby
New Year
Not OK!

It’s the terror of knowing
How the world can react
Watching an actress scream and
But her sorrow just inspired
Pressure on Womack
Spat at on streets

Dear dear dear
Fictional baby
No way!

The Mumsnet crowd
Left common sense at the door
‘Cos don’t they know
It never rains but it pours
In soap operas
People go gaga
And loco

People online
Never watched the show
Mothers online
Never even saw a clip and yet they

Say that they’re knowing
What the plot is about
Write to the BBC and
Scream and shout
Indignation gets them higher, higher, high
Oh those poor people, people at the Beeb

BBC tried to act like a deaf man
Tried some defence but it don’t work
Kept coming up with lines
But couldn’t face the scorn
Cried – cried – cried
Yes we made a gaffe, under pressure we’re cracking

“Oh Mumsnet, give us one more chance
We’ll change the plotline, ignore the fans
Yes we’ll just give up, give up, give up, give up, give up, give up…”

‘Cos life in a fictional world
It should lead you
To care for
The characters and
All of their plights
Fiction dares us to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This was their last stand
This was the Beeb
Under pressure
(Nice – nice – plotline)
Under pressure
(Change – the – plotline)


  1. says

    been listening to Every Night etc – sort of a cool Leena Horne with attitude, I’m completely chilled and ready for more – I feel it’s better to be under pressure like the beeb than print lies like Murdoch’s and Rothchild’s rags.