‘Vincent (Tory LibDem Fight)’

So, I’ve decided to start posting up the parody songs I’m writing for these here comedy shows… I’ll post more after this one, but for now, here’s one I wrote today (disclaimer: I would normally write a news-y one like this much sooner after the event in question, but the shows I’m writing for weren’t on over Christmas, so are only now taking on new material. Hopefully this one won’t considered to be too late. But if so, na ja. It’s good to get my silly-song-writing muscles working again after the Festivus break :)).

(to the tune of ‘Vincent’ by Don McLean)

Tory LibDem fight
Started on a winter’s day
Two women came Vincent’s way
With clothes that masked the darkness in their souls

Hidden microphones!
How could Vince have ever known?
He was in a combat zone
And ambushed by the Daily Telegraph

Now we understand
What he went and said to them
Giving soundbite after soundbite gem
Seemed a good idea then
And they listened
Oh, they listened, how
But we’re all listening now

Fan was hit with shite
Vincent caused a bloody mess
His ‘nuclear’ resignation threats
Caused tears in Nick Clegg’s eyes of LibDem blue

Didn’t think it through
Comments about all-out war
With Rupert Murdoch and News Corp
Were soon all over everyone’s newsstand

Now we understand
How the Tory press will sneak
They’re like a poor man’s Wikileaks
Using tactics that just reek
But with Cables that aren’t interesting
Unless you are right-wing

For they do not love you
Though what you said was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that cold December night
Dave took your powers
As PMs often do
But we could have told you, Vincent
Politics was never meant for one
As truthful as you

Vincent lost his might
Paid the price he had to pay
But on TV, Christmas Day
He danced a foxtrot we will not forget

Like ex-ministers you’ve met
Those ragged men in ragged clothes
With foot-in-mouth and bloodied nose
A life upon the backbenches awaits

But now we think he knows
How he had to bear the brunt
How the Tory press just love a stunt
At least he’s not a… Jeremy Hunt

‘Cos we loved Vincent
And we love him still
Though ConDems never will